Thursday, February 11, 2010

Tired

I am tired......

tired of working, tired of cleaning, tired of breaking up fights, tired of rushing ALL of the time, tired of the bedtime battle every. single. night, tired of living in this tiny house, but scared to think about moving to a bigger one when i can't clean the one i have! i am worn out. i go through this stage every few months when i think i just can't do all of this anymore. it is hard to be a mom and wife. it's hard to go to work (most) every day and come home to a messy / dirty house that is simply overwhelming, cook dinner, give baths, etc. when what i really want to do is relax. i am so thankful for my children & my whole family, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. i am not complaining, just documenting life as i see it right now. i KNOW that this is small potatoes to what alot of people are facing this very moment. i'm reminding myself of that, but regardless, this is hard. i need to refocus, think about what's important, and prioritize my life, but right now it seems like a huge chore on the list of many that i don't even want to face. in the background right now i hear my two children fighting with one another. i'm not even going to check on them because they need to learn to handle some things on their own. i cannot be there to "fix" everything all of the time for them or anyone else. sometimes i need a break from being "in charge." is that horrible?! i just don't want to bear the burden that comes with it. i'm sure i could go somewhere really really "deep" with all of this, but i won't.

this is so not my typical post, and i'm not really trying to be a downer, but i just needed to write it down. hopefully it will help me wrap my brain around it all and channel my energy in the right direction. it's almost friday..surely that's something to be happy about :-)!


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